2012 highlights

Moved to WA
Took a trip to Portland and Seattle on short notice
Get tea set and learn to make awesome tea
Almost got stranded in the mountains on the way back (Lance wouldn't stop for me to pee)
Lance went to Brussels (and brought me chocolate)
Mass Effect 3
Flew back to SC for WEDDING
Got married. finally.
Took in Leo to foster.
Got my first cavities filled. and subsequently found out I have crappy dental insurance and got stuck with a $900 dental bill
My first summer in WA. It was awesome.
getting to play WoW with other people
Watched fireworks over the river in our air-conditioned car away from the mosquitoes.
lilacs and lavender everywhere
so. many. tumbleweed jokes.
took in Yeti to foster
Found Leo a Furrever home
Yeti contracts FPV and kicks it's butt at only 4-5 weeks old
We adopt Yeti
Lance got a gym buddy and has started "picking things up and putting them back down"
I found other crazy cat people to squee over all things cats with
Tri Conf, and speaking at Tri Conf really awkwardly
the Tri Conf after parties at Bonefish and Jackson's
Lance goes to Real Time Conf/ Redis Conf
Red Dwarf parties at the Garssss
My 25th bday and thanksgiving back east
Moved to new awesome apartment
went to my first Christmas party
Our first Christmas together
Lance gets his first 1000+ piece Lego set(s)
I've decided I could possibly eventually like beer... but only if it's really good
I finally got back to my "normal" size and can fit into size 1 jeans (granted they're really stretchy and they aren't for comfort by any means)
Survived the Mayan Apocolypse and Rapture 2012.
And also Barack Obama got re-elected, marriage was legalized for same-sex couples in 4 states (WA being one of them), and marijuana was legalized in WA.

All in all, a good year.

I need to meet people

Getting married and moving really kinda killed my social life. I don't know anyone out here my ag or without kids. I miss having someone I can talk to uncensored. I miss my bff. She is the only one I've ever been able to talk about anything with. And I mean ANYTHING. From religion to politics to boys to games. I miss her dearly and I'd give so much to have her move out here with me.

I'm lonely. I miss the aspect of being single that you get to share with your girls. When you get a S.O. it changes. Even if you make a point to split time fairly, your girls treat you differently. I think they do because they don't want to make you choose, and they don't do it consciously (most of the time).

Whenever Lance and I would visit Sumter, Lance was told up front if "Toni calls, I'm gone. She's my number 1 here." And he actually agreed! The hardest part of relationships though, is when your friends move on from you. While you may have been joined-at-the-hip for years and years, now they have other things to do. Better things to do, things more fun. I miss my summers at Toni's. Best years of my life. No cares, just swimming and playing and mischief.

Art

There is a 2 day "Art in the Park" event that started today. So much to look at and take in. Lance bought a pot, I bought a yunomi, and we bought a pastel print of a quail.

I've seen thousand dollar art in the past, but I've never seriously considered purchasing any... until today.

An Oregon artist, Tom Walsh, was there today. He's a sculptor that works primarily in bronze. He had his booth set up like a mini gallery, which was cool. Anyways, one of his pieces struck me so intensely that I seriously gazed at it and walked around it for a good 5 minutes. It was one of those pieces that you just have to experience. Tom watched me, and then made the observation that I "got it." He said that most people don't get it. They don't understand how to look at his pieces- how to experience them, but he could tell that I understood his piece. I really have no words. It was amazing. To a normal person it probably just looked like an abstract thing made of metal and was green. But, oh man. The craftsmanship and the way he was able to manipulate the bronze... Seriously amazing. I wish we had the $1100 to spend on it. I can't stop thinking about it and I will probably go "visit" it tomorrow.

It was really fun being able to share the experience with Lance. He's soooo left-brained, but I'm able to convey things to him about art that he otherwise would not realize or overlook. I was able to sit with him and help him identify just WHY he decided to purchase that specific pot. We saw hundreds today, but that was the only one he liked enough to buy.

I love art that makes you experience it. You have no choice but see and feel things and it moves you. There are subtle, and not so subtle, ways that artists are able to make the viewer react. They can make you pick up and experience a cup or pot, or they can stop you dead in your tracks, like today. You may not even know why. I love how art speaks to your subconscious and you have an actual experience. You share a connection with a piece. It is more than just an object, it imparts a thought, connotation, emotion, feeling, sensation, etc. Sure there's art that's just "pretty," but it's empty; hollow. Real art makes you experience it, feel it, and share it.

TMI? Don't care

Today is a big day. I just started my first "natural" period in over 6 years. Ouch. Now I remember why I was on the pill in the first place. Cramps that make me dream I'm in childbirth.
I always get really calm and chill when I get cramps. To cope, I have to do deep breathing and enter a meditative state. It's kinda cool, so I'm always sharing. Freaks out the hubby tho cuz I'm like.. breathing like I'm in labor. It's actually a very peaceful time, albeit a little painful. But I've learned pain can be calming if you approach it correctly.

Let me explain.

When you experience body-wide pain you can get in touch with a certain "rhythm" of pulses. Your brain monitors your body in electric pulses through your nerves. If you can calm yourself and accept the pain, you can tune into this. It's a strange experience. If you've had to practice pain management from a chronic condition you are probably familiar with it. When you experience pain, you can fight it, or go with it. It really comes down to accepting it as sensations in the body and separating yourself from it. You begin to understand that you don't have to fear pain, and thus, pain begins to be therapeutic. You feel the body healing, and you let it happen.

I probably sound masochistic, but I'm not. I don't like pain. But in not fearing it, and letting it happen, it makes it more manageable and less stressful. And I'm not just talking about cramps. I used to do this when I had shoulder issues too. Anyways. Thought I'd share this milestone. First "real" period in 6 years.

I HATE MY FACE

Had to switch brands.. AGAIN. When will it end???

It's oily, and dehydrated, and broken out, and red, and just... ARGH.

So now I'm trying Bobbi Brown. So far so good? Or maybe my face is secretly planning to kill me in my sleep and pretending to like me for now.. who knows. 

Higgs Boson

Watercolor by Susan Rose

I'm dying to create. Since the announcement from CERN, my imagination has been contantly bursting with images and ideas and inspiration. My mind plays visual music and I'm antsy. It almost feels like OCD. The images and urges to create replaty over and over. IT's especially difficult to sleep. As my mind quiets, the images spill into my mind and the mental dance begins. My hands start to get a longing feeling for creating. I miss the brushes, and the paints. My fingers ache and feel restless. It's been a while since I've felt such purpose.

It's strange to say, but the discovery has given me purpose again. Seeing and feeling and experiencing. Feeling teh awe and joy of the universe and creation. It's what we all were created to do. We are meant to experience, share, enjoy, create. I want to share this purpose, emotion, joy with everyone.

It's so difficult to put into words. The human experience is universal. We all share a deep connection that transcends cultures and languages and religions. We exist. I feel the need to capture this and somehow put it on paper as to bring people together. I want to remind everyone that we are all the same, we are all created, and we are meant to share life together.

The only problem is the whole lack of studio space. It's so frustrating! I need a space! Somewhere that I can have my supplies, inspiration, and space to create. Right now my space consists of a tiny 1 bed 1 bath apartment. I really don't think my landlords would appreciate paint splatters on the carpet either. And the whole cat hair in paint situation isn't very fun.

So I've been looking at houses. But that just turns my frustration into sadness. We can't afford to buy a house, let alone maintain it! And ones that we can afford need a LOT of work done. UGH. And so the search for a studio space begins.

Insomnia

Anyone have any practical solutions to a body that doesn't sleep at night? Lately my only restful deep sleep has been mid afternoon. Ugh.