TMI? Don't care

Today is a big day. I just started my first "natural" period in over 6 years. Ouch. Now I remember why I was on the pill in the first place. Cramps that make me dream I'm in childbirth.
I always get really calm and chill when I get cramps. To cope, I have to do deep breathing and enter a meditative state. It's kinda cool, so I'm always sharing. Freaks out the hubby tho cuz I'm like.. breathing like I'm in labor. It's actually a very peaceful time, albeit a little painful. But I've learned pain can be calming if you approach it correctly.

Let me explain.

When you experience body-wide pain you can get in touch with a certain "rhythm" of pulses. Your brain monitors your body in electric pulses through your nerves. If you can calm yourself and accept the pain, you can tune into this. It's a strange experience. If you've had to practice pain management from a chronic condition you are probably familiar with it. When you experience pain, you can fight it, or go with it. It really comes down to accepting it as sensations in the body and separating yourself from it. You begin to understand that you don't have to fear pain, and thus, pain begins to be therapeutic. You feel the body healing, and you let it happen.

I probably sound masochistic, but I'm not. I don't like pain. But in not fearing it, and letting it happen, it makes it more manageable and less stressful. And I'm not just talking about cramps. I used to do this when I had shoulder issues too. Anyways. Thought I'd share this milestone. First "real" period in 6 years.

Fibromyalgia Fog

Us peeps with Fibromyalgia are very familiar with something called "fibro fog." It's like feeling groggy and tired and you can't think straight. Your mind is foggy and all you want to do is sleep. I get a weird "headache" when it hits me. It's not painful, but my head feels heavy and "stuffy." Anyways, the past week I've had one every day at around 6pm. My body just decides it wants a nap. Yep. And it's 6 now. I want a nap.
-_-

In other news we have a second kitty! His name is King Leonidas! He's a 1 year old all black fluff ball. His previous owner could not keep him, and we decided to adopt him before he had to go to a shelter. Adults have a difficult time getting adopted, and black cats usually don't get adopted either, sadly. So we had him meet Abby, and then he moved in with us a week ago. Abby hissed at him for the first couple of days any time she saw him, but now they are buddies. They chase each other all over the apartment while making cute little prrmrow noises. ^_^ It's cute.

Unintentional diet

I've been frequently forgetting to eat. I just don't feel like eating or my hunger instinct isn't very strong. So I've gone several days on maybe one full meal's worth calories. I'm still taking vitamins, but food just doesn't seem appetizing most of the time. Not too healthy of me, I know. I have collected a bunch of pictures of easy-to-make foods that look yummy, and I plan to put them on the fridge to encourage me to get food when I wander to the kitchen. I wonder if anyone else has this issue. :/

bah hormones!

I was on the pill for about... 6? years? It was to regulate things and keep me from bleeding heavily for two weeks straight every other week. Apparently being underweight can make your body do weird things. Anyways, I'm a healthy weight now, so I'm stopping the pill (hopefully for good). So needless-to-say, I'm all hormone-y. Is that a word? Guess not. Oh well. I would have gone off of it way sooner, but didn't want to risk blood stains on my wedding gown, if you know what I mean. I should probably google what to expect when stopping it after 6 years. And I should go to sleep.

Best advice

 Over the years I've been through a lot of things that had led to me needing to see a counselor to talk things over. This was in part due to being in school and still being sick and being affected by an old relationship that ended very badly. The last semester in college was the worst. I was in a car accident early on, and it affected my health so much I failed an elective, and lost graduating with honors. I had held my 3.00 through 6 years of college, one of which including rehabbing a shoulder replacement and going through said break-up.

Back to the last semester. I hit a really bad patch of depression and major anxiety (who can blame me, right?) Because to me, if I didn't graduate in December, I was not finishing my degree. I was beyond exhausted on all fronts, and my body was on strike. I began seeing a counselor, and the best advice she gave me was: be kind to yourself.

I honestly believe this is the best advice anyone can give or be given. How often is our stress and suffering due to ourselves? We are our own worst critic, and her gentle reminder told me we have full control on how we treat ourselves. No one is making us feel guilty or terrible about ourselves. It's not a mindset imposed on us by anyone. We do it to ourselves, and I fully feel that we are too mean to ourselves. This really helped me move forward and realize that the past is the past, and I don't have to be affected by it anymore. It's over. I have my whole life in front of me, and if I just remember to be kind to myself, the outlook is much clearer.

I notice frequently through social media that people often really dwell on things because they feel they don't have control over their emotions or thoughts, and they think that this means there is something wrong with them. People dwell because they feel they should. Such as "I can't believe that I'm not more affected by [insert tragedy here], I must be a terrible person!" I think that we all need to remind ourselves that our subconscious is NOT who we are. It is a system of brainwaves that make associations and thoughts that we should NOT consider "who we are." We actively decide who we are. So, just because I didn't cry at that one war movie does not mean that I wasn't heartbroken by it, it just means that our brains are very well able at coping with things to keep us alive. If we broke down at every thing, in the wild we would be dead. We forget that we are technically instinctual animals, and our brains' first job is to keep us alive.

So please, if you are reading this and feel guilty over something that happened in your past, be kind to yourself and move forward. You decide who you are, racing thoughts are not you. Look at them objectively and understand that our bodies do make observations on their own, and it is not us.

Be kind to yourself.

On snacking healthy

I love junk food. I mean I really love junk food. I've always been underweight, in fact, it wasn't till I turned 21 that I broke 100 lbs. So, I never really had to worry about over-eating before. I struggled to gain weight. Well, I was put on a medication that made me gain close to 40 lbs. That means at my heaviest I was 136 lbs at 5'2" tall with a very petite frame. I mean, I have size 4 1/2 feet for pete's sake! anyways, I'm back down to around 107, and with the wedding so close, I'm really having to make sure I don't gain OR lose weight. So it's been an interesting couple of months. Long story short, here are my favorite healthy snacks right now.

Vanilla Dannon Light & Fit yogurt with blackberries and (dark) honey. I usually am quite liberal with the amount of yogurt and blackberries, but I just drizzle the honey. Probably about a half tablespoon at most.

Planters Omega-3 nut mix. It has walnuts, dried cranberries, and chocolate-covered soy nuts.

Olives (green and kalamata) and whole wheat crackers, and maybe cheese if I feel feisty.

Macaroni salad with celery.

Pretzels and hummus

Nutella on toast

Sour cherry preserves on toast.

And hot tea with lemon.

I also try to drink a ton of water. Dehydration can make you feel weak and hungry.

I don't drink soda or coffee at all. I also minimize the amount of non-water drinks. Maybe a lemonade if we get a "combo" meal somewhere and it comes with a drink.

I still indulge in ice cream now and then, but I try not to have huge meals during the day. I don't really need the calories because I'm not hardcore exercising. So there you have a short list of some of the things that I find to be yummy "health" foods.

Vitamins

I've had a hunch for a while now that my body doesn't quite work right. With the RA, it can cause inflammation pretty much anywhere in my body. And often there are digestive issues. So I'll get right down to it: I have to take a butt load of vitamins in order to not feel like a train hit me. I think that the RA has somehow affected my ability to absorb vitamins and minerals, so I need lots to make up for it. I jsut saw my new GP yesterday, and as per her routine new patient exam, she ordered the most bloodwork I've had done at one time. Thankfully, the bloodwork came back normal... except my vitamin D. No surprise there. I hide from the sun, and with the cold, my time in it now is all of 30 seconds a day. So that was a relief that the "fasting" blood sugar and cholesterol came back normal. I had never had those checked before and have family history problems. So anyways, the doc also wants me to start taking fish oil 0.o YUCK. But she gave me some advice on how to keep it from stinking- store it in the fridge! I had never thought of that! Let's just hope it doesn't give me reflux or cause me to burp it up.. Gross. That's the experience I had with it previously, so I've avoided it since. We shall see.

SO! In all this, I recommend the adult gummy vitamins found at Target. Vitafusion is the brand. Then I LOVE GNC's Hair, Skin, and Nails formula. It has many vitamins in it that the multi has, so I only take 1 a day of those to prevent any overdose. The vitamins that the HSN one has are plant based, so they are easier for your body to expel any extra. It also has made a HUGE difference in my hair regrowth rate. I've noticed my lashes grow back in a lot sooner. It's also easy to swallow.

Another tip: vitamin supplements absorb more easily when taken with food. So, when you can, take your vitamins with a meal. :)