Bum RSVP-ers.

How do you get non-rsvping people to at least acknowledge your existence? I've been dogging several people and they are blatantly ignoring me. Seriously? I'm at the point of just telling them don't bother coming, that if they don't have the decency to at least say "yes I got your invite, I won't know till X date if I can get off work," then please. Don't come. I'm SO ticked. In my head I'm using much more animated language. I'm not going to spend all this money on your food to have you not show up. And GOD HELP YOU if you still don't say anything and show up. It's beyond common courtesy. You're supposed to be our nearest and dearest, and you are being a jerk. Everyone we know has known about this for AT LEAST a year. So there is NO excuse. I'm not a traditional bride either in that if you show up unannounced, I'm not going to feel obligated to be civil. This has been a huge undertaking and sacrifice for us, and for people to intentionally cause this much grief is mind-boggling. I really want to tell some people to f- off.

I love TJ Maxx

Our "headboard." It looks a ton better when the bed actually has sheets and stuff.

We have stuff on the walls! OMG! The little rental apartment is starting to feel "homey." We brought home 6 mirrors on Saturday. Two are being used as a "headboard," one is leaned against the wall opposite the bed that I will use to put on makeup, and the other three are arranged in the living room opposite the window. We are trying to figure out who to give the futon to. It is big and taking up space and we'd rather have a dresser where it is currently. We're also really starting to need side tables. And a real table- eating on the floor is fun for only so long.

The trees are all starting to bloom. It's so pretty! I need to get us a bird feeder too. Abby would love to watch them here (ok me too).

I pick up my dress tomorrow! OMG I'm so excited. It fits like it was made for me, and feels like a dream. I was worried it wouldn't fit, but it does! :D

We also get to go to Lance's follow-up tomorrow. He's seeing the same GP I am, so she did about 4 tubes of bloodwork on him. Since we didn't get a call, I guess that means it's all fine. I like that she goes over the results in detail, and writes on it and gives you a copy. I like her. She's adorable!

Idea for art

Note to self: social gender piece of a faceless woman wearing a magnifying glass necklace right on her cleavage.

SHOES (omg)

I wore my bridal shoes to Target today. Wore them around for like 3 hours browsing the new layout (we just got a produce section). So far so good- no blisters! woot.

Final fitting is tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure I'll be too fat to fit in the dress. Sigh. I hope not, but I'm not expecting much :/

I want another cat. Big surprise, right? I worry Abby gets really anxious when we aren't here. I know she gets lonely... She watches for us to come home. Poor kitty :( And we'll be gone for nearly 2 weeks for the wedding festivities. I'd love to take her with us, but one 12 hour day in a carrier was more than enough, thank you. I wish I could talk my parents into giving Sinbad back! But they love him too much now. And Daddy's the favorite. It's so cute ^_^ But he and Abby were bestest friends.

I took these pictures this past Christmas. In case the tree and nativity set didn't give it away.

He likes to observe dinner being made.

Dawwww da kitteh tummy!!!

He always sleeps like this. The tummy is a trap. He'll rip your arm clean off.

See? Loves dad so much he sleeps with his shoes. X.X

Skin update

yay I'm mostly clear!!! Aside from some random pimples (that time...) I'm all clear! Yay Retin-A! I've also changed cleansers... I'm using the gentlest cleanser I know of: One Love Organic's Easy Does It Cleanser. It's an all-natural gentle cleanser that's really concentrated. I also use their Skin Savior multi balm to double cleanse when I feel really congested and grimy. And that's it! I don't need as much of the Olay moisturizer now that my skin is used to the Retin-A. So aside from cleansing, I just use the Retin-A and Latisse. I should be expecting to see some results from the Latisse soon. It's been around 2 weeks. Right??

Time is flying by so I don't have an accurate sense of time. Like I can't believe it's the weekend already. And we're at 28 days. Holy bajesus, I SWEAR I just looked yesterday at the countdown and it said 39. What happened??? Who's messing with the time?!?!?   0.0

Creating memories

Scent is able to trigger memories. How many times have you gone through a thrift store and suddenly something smells like grandma's house? Or that one lotion that you wore in middle school? Everytime I smell Juniper Breeze my mind instantly takes me back to 8th grade listening to the radio and painting my nails a bright color.

I want to be able to remember these years and our wedding day. Shopping for perfume is VERY intimidating, especially if you are sensitive to smells, like me. I highly recommend if you are going to look for a scent to ask for help. These perfume specialists smell these perfumes all day, and it's their job to know about each one.

We went to Macy's not realizing just how many perfumes are out there. The sales lady asked if we needed help, and we did. She started with asking what scents I like best; floral, fruity, musky, fresh, crisp, etc. I said floral. She has me smell 3. I say yes to 2 and no to 1 and say why. She gets 2 more. I like the first best, and don't like the second. One more, that's it! I chose Chanel Chance eau Tendre. (the pink chance). I got the small bottle of eau de toilette, and it smells heavenly. I love it. And it changes as I wear it. Not many people realize perfume interacts with body chemistry and actually changes for each person. That's why you need to actually wear it for at least an hour to really get an idea of what it will smell like.

Now, after the initial smelling and deciding on Chance, I developed itchy watery eyes that night. I was worried it was a reaction to the Chance. So after showering and waiting till the next day, I applied the Chance and prepared for the worst. Nothing. YAY!!! I had tried on 2 other perfumes, and I think I was way sensitive to one or the interaction of the two. The smell of that one got sickly sweet and gave me a mondo headache. After all, perfumes are technically chemicals that can interact with each other, so you have to be careful when mixing them. But all in all, it was worth it. I'm programming my brain to be able to remember these happy days, and they smell heavenly.

Abby!

Here's our baby, Abby!

This is the day we arrived in WA from a 12 hour day flying from SC!

She was VERY happy to be out of her carrier and in a house.

As you can see, she quickly adjusted to the WA sunshine.

They do this frequently.

See?

The day she discovered she could, in fact, jump on top of the counters.

And the mantel.

Yes, that's a humidifier that she's drinking from.

This is what happens when Lance doesn't close the dryer...

HAPPY PI DAY!!!

I hope someone got to eat pie today cuz I sure didn't. :(

Oh, well.

And in 31 days I will not be a Miss any longer 0_o

Best advice

 Over the years I've been through a lot of things that had led to me needing to see a counselor to talk things over. This was in part due to being in school and still being sick and being affected by an old relationship that ended very badly. The last semester in college was the worst. I was in a car accident early on, and it affected my health so much I failed an elective, and lost graduating with honors. I had held my 3.00 through 6 years of college, one of which including rehabbing a shoulder replacement and going through said break-up.

Back to the last semester. I hit a really bad patch of depression and major anxiety (who can blame me, right?) Because to me, if I didn't graduate in December, I was not finishing my degree. I was beyond exhausted on all fronts, and my body was on strike. I began seeing a counselor, and the best advice she gave me was: be kind to yourself.

I honestly believe this is the best advice anyone can give or be given. How often is our stress and suffering due to ourselves? We are our own worst critic, and her gentle reminder told me we have full control on how we treat ourselves. No one is making us feel guilty or terrible about ourselves. It's not a mindset imposed on us by anyone. We do it to ourselves, and I fully feel that we are too mean to ourselves. This really helped me move forward and realize that the past is the past, and I don't have to be affected by it anymore. It's over. I have my whole life in front of me, and if I just remember to be kind to myself, the outlook is much clearer.

I notice frequently through social media that people often really dwell on things because they feel they don't have control over their emotions or thoughts, and they think that this means there is something wrong with them. People dwell because they feel they should. Such as "I can't believe that I'm not more affected by [insert tragedy here], I must be a terrible person!" I think that we all need to remind ourselves that our subconscious is NOT who we are. It is a system of brainwaves that make associations and thoughts that we should NOT consider "who we are." We actively decide who we are. So, just because I didn't cry at that one war movie does not mean that I wasn't heartbroken by it, it just means that our brains are very well able at coping with things to keep us alive. If we broke down at every thing, in the wild we would be dead. We forget that we are technically instinctual animals, and our brains' first job is to keep us alive.

So please, if you are reading this and feel guilty over something that happened in your past, be kind to yourself and move forward. You decide who you are, racing thoughts are not you. Look at them objectively and understand that our bodies do make observations on their own, and it is not us.

Be kind to yourself.

Stuck in my head

 This song, particularly this version, has been stuck in my head all week. But it's still a goodie.

Food is yummy

I like food. I like quick food. I like food that you can just throw together and tastes like heaven. I really need to invest in a crockpot. BUT! When I do! I will be back to this page.

Crockpot recipes!

Goodwill awesomeness

I scored a like-new awesomely soft and squishy loveseat to replace the college-era futon in our living room. It cost all of $50. bam. Also got a few decorative/ practical items too, but the couch was a big score. I plan to get pics tomorrow when there's sunlight. We also had to clean the cushion covers and febreze down the frame and vacuum it. It has a few minor spots, but I'm sure we'll do worse to it. There was a matching over-sized chair, but we just don't have the room for it. Oh, and did I mention it's in a neutral canvas fabric? Yeah. I couldn't believe it. When I saw it I think I literally ran to claim it as mine. For now we're trying to get our scents on it cuz Abby is all freaked by the new furniture and smells. Nonetheless I'm thrilled that we have "real" furniture.

On religion

From etsy

<rage>

I was bullied at a very young age. We'll leave it at this: I was 8 and thought of ways to get out of the situation that 8 year-olds shouldn't. Anyways, that's the back story. Zoom forward to Dec 2007. I've had my new shoulder replacement for a year and the pain was still there and my range of motion didn't even allow for me to give proper hugs to people. The left arm just kinda awkwardly kept my hand at butt level, so I got to hover hand when I'd hug people to avoid groping, lol. Anyways. Dec 2007. I went with a campus christian group to an annual retreat conference thing. Well, this one speaker was known to be able to pray for people with serious disabilities and they become healed. So I pushed my way through the crowd and had him pray for me. In his many attempts to get my arm over my head, he asked what bad things happened to me when the arthritis manifested itself. The only thing I could think of was the bullying...

I kid you not. The man told me that the reason God gave me a debilitating disease was because I held a grudge and did not forgive the bullies that made my life as a child a living hell. So.... I was punished for being bullied... wow, thanks, God!

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't "blame" God for my disability. I know bad things happen to people because we are just that: people. We are imperfect beings. However, it's radical religious people like that man that really leave a bad taste in my mouth about "christians." I refuse to call myself anything but human. I don't associate myself with a group because automatically people will expect things of you, and may even come to automatically not like you. Example: I was raised Roman Catholic and I liked it. Well, I learned the hard way that most people who are "christian" don't like catholics. Just by stating that to people, I'd literally be verbally attacked for doctrine and beliefs that I had been raised with. Such as it made me a bad person to believe that Mary had no other children besides Jesus, or that she remained a virgin. Why any of the details of Mary's life matters to people, I'll never know. But the fact that christians are so ready to attack those of the same faith really disturbs me to such a degree that I refuse to talk about religion anymore. My attitudes and actions should define my beliefs, and therefore I do my best to love all people and not judge. I know my place is not to condemn, so I don't.

My stance on faith and religion don't and shouldn't matter to anyone else. I feel we should be focusing on living like Christ and not acting like Christ. We do not and never should pretend to hold authority over any other human being. Christ had that authority (if you're christian), we do not.

Love one another. It's that simple. We know in our hearts if our words or thoughts or actions are done out of love or hate, so I really wish people would act genuinely out of love and let go of the hate.

</rage>

Close to my heart

Image of what an arthritic flare looks like in a toddler. It is very painful and erodes bone.

Here is a letter I just sent to my Representative. Please consider emailing your representative as well. The email even comes pre-written. I've included the link here. LINK

Dear Representative Hastings:

At age 19 I had to receive a total shoulder replacement. To this day, I still have very little movement in my left arm. The surgery was to stop pain, but now I don't have mobility. I am 24 years old, and RA has disabled me. Arthritis affects children. I was diagnosed at 11. There are kids as young as 3 months who have RA. As someone with arthritis, I am writing to ask you to become an original cosponsor of legislation to improve access to the critical treatments that can keep me, and my loved ones, active and productive citizens. Biologic drugs can now prevent patients with conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and psoriatic arthritis, from becoming disabled, seriously ill, or even dying. Arthritis affects organs, including the heart. The cold reality is that I will most likely die of heart failure related to RA. Unfortunately, many health insurance policies are moving these critical medications, such as biologics, into "specialty tiers" that utilize high patient cost-sharing methods known as "co-insurance". This fourth/specialty tier now commonly requires patients to pay a percentage of the cost of medication - anywhere from 20% to 50%, which can often be hundreds or even thousands of dollars each month for a single medication - rather than a fixed co-payment amount. I have been on Enbrel, a biologic, for 12 years now. 144 months of medication payments. Enbrel costs well over $1,000 per month. The only way I can afford it is a payment assistance program directly from Enbrel. I need this medication to stay alive, but my insurance doesn't want to cover it. Congressman David McKinley is introducing legislation later this month, the Patient Access to Critical Therapies Act (PACTA), that would treat these specialty drugs the same as Tier III non-preferred drugs. Under his legislation, commercial health insurers would impose the same co-payment obligations for specialty drugs as they already do for Tier III medications. Providing insured patients access to these treatments will allow me and many more of your constituents to remain in the workforce, raise their families, and avoid becoming permanently disabled or seriously ill. I urge you to step forward and become an original co-sponsor of PACTA and support your constituents who have chronic, life threatening, and disabling conditions. Please contact the Legislative Health Assistant in Rep. McKinley's office, at x54172, to become a co-sponsor of this legislation. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Katie

My love and hate of art history

I was a Fine Arts major for 2 years of college before I changed to Graphic Communications. So that was 4 semesters of art history. I hate history. And art history is like twice as bad. Cuz you not only have to know the who what and when, you have to know why where and what it looks like. ARGH! Well, I have found that the most useful thing I learned in school was, in fact, art history. We're currently trying to furnish our teeny apartment on a teenier budget. We started with a futon, a tv and banker boxes. Nothing else. No plates, pots, pans, bed, tables, chairs, etc. The futon was our bed and couch. We have since used my savings to buy a bed, and accumulated a cheap tv stand. In shopping for furniture Lance often would ask me to translate the rambling. I then realized I was using terms like "art deco," "mid century modern," "contemporary," "mission style," etc. And I realized he had no idea what the heck I was talking about when I would point to a chair and say "that is a mid century modern chair." So I have actually had to use the art history education in shopping for furniture and identifying our preferences for styles and shapes. DARN YOU ART HISTORY!!!!! It is cool that I'm using something from school, but it annoys me that I still remember! My art history professors were interesting, and art students use interesting terms and ways to describe something as simple as a cube. While I think it's wicked awesome I can talk about tangible items and know specifically what I like and don't like, I still hated art history.

So yes. We now are the proud owners of 2 mid century modern chairs. And our cat, Abby, approves.

On snacking healthy

I love junk food. I mean I really love junk food. I've always been underweight, in fact, it wasn't till I turned 21 that I broke 100 lbs. So, I never really had to worry about over-eating before. I struggled to gain weight. Well, I was put on a medication that made me gain close to 40 lbs. That means at my heaviest I was 136 lbs at 5'2" tall with a very petite frame. I mean, I have size 4 1/2 feet for pete's sake! anyways, I'm back down to around 107, and with the wedding so close, I'm really having to make sure I don't gain OR lose weight. So it's been an interesting couple of months. Long story short, here are my favorite healthy snacks right now.

Vanilla Dannon Light & Fit yogurt with blackberries and (dark) honey. I usually am quite liberal with the amount of yogurt and blackberries, but I just drizzle the honey. Probably about a half tablespoon at most.

Planters Omega-3 nut mix. It has walnuts, dried cranberries, and chocolate-covered soy nuts.

Olives (green and kalamata) and whole wheat crackers, and maybe cheese if I feel feisty.

Macaroni salad with celery.

Pretzels and hummus

Nutella on toast

Sour cherry preserves on toast.

And hot tea with lemon.

I also try to drink a ton of water. Dehydration can make you feel weak and hungry.

I don't drink soda or coffee at all. I also minimize the amount of non-water drinks. Maybe a lemonade if we get a "combo" meal somewhere and it comes with a drink.

I still indulge in ice cream now and then, but I try not to have huge meals during the day. I don't really need the calories because I'm not hardcore exercising. So there you have a short list of some of the things that I find to be yummy "health" foods.

Spring Inspiration

I close my eyes and I am there. I can feel the warm breeze, smell the lavender warmed by the sun, and can feel the sunshine. I can hear the birds singing and hear their wings flit through the air, and I can hear the hum of the bees gathering nectar. I hear the creak of the chair as I shift my weight, and then smell the wood, warm in the sun. Oh how I long for this place. The peace, the tranquility, the sweet smelling air, and the pure joy.

Cannot Wait

My favorite weather EVER is when the sun is warm and there is a breeze. And out here there is no humidity. I CANNOT WAIT till the spring starts.  To be able to sit outside and just feel the air and peace. Also, my favorite flowers grow here! So someday I hope to grow all three. We will at least get a lavender plant for our small apartment patio this spring. I love how sun-kissed breezes smell. I so can't wait.

Vitamins

I've had a hunch for a while now that my body doesn't quite work right. With the RA, it can cause inflammation pretty much anywhere in my body. And often there are digestive issues. So I'll get right down to it: I have to take a butt load of vitamins in order to not feel like a train hit me. I think that the RA has somehow affected my ability to absorb vitamins and minerals, so I need lots to make up for it. I jsut saw my new GP yesterday, and as per her routine new patient exam, she ordered the most bloodwork I've had done at one time. Thankfully, the bloodwork came back normal... except my vitamin D. No surprise there. I hide from the sun, and with the cold, my time in it now is all of 30 seconds a day. So that was a relief that the "fasting" blood sugar and cholesterol came back normal. I had never had those checked before and have family history problems. So anyways, the doc also wants me to start taking fish oil 0.o YUCK. But she gave me some advice on how to keep it from stinking- store it in the fridge! I had never thought of that! Let's just hope it doesn't give me reflux or cause me to burp it up.. Gross. That's the experience I had with it previously, so I've avoided it since. We shall see.

SO! In all this, I recommend the adult gummy vitamins found at Target. Vitafusion is the brand. Then I LOVE GNC's Hair, Skin, and Nails formula. It has many vitamins in it that the multi has, so I only take 1 a day of those to prevent any overdose. The vitamins that the HSN one has are plant based, so they are easier for your body to expel any extra. It also has made a HUGE difference in my hair regrowth rate. I've noticed my lashes grow back in a lot sooner. It's also easy to swallow.

Another tip: vitamin supplements absorb more easily when taken with food. So, when you can, take your vitamins with a meal. :)

Grocery lists

I hate planning meals. That's why I really like this blog. The ingredients can be frozen, so if you change your mind on spaghetti night, you have other fast options. I also like that the weekly food costs are all around $100. We have a bad habit of eating out all the time. I love to cook, but I'm low on cooking supplies and don't have a system yet. Hopefully soon though. Anyways, I have bookmarked the site and hopefully I'll get to cooking soon.

The Peaceful Mom

KITTIES

Sorry, no real post today. Minecraft 1.2 was released and I was determined to acquire lots of kitties to follow me around. We'll see if I fall right asleep, if not... you might get something a little more entertaining than a picture of 8 bit cats.

Realization

This is how it feels

Lance and I have been dating for a little over 4 years now. And it was right about this time 4 years ago that we knew we were going to get married. So 4 years ago I began planning our wedding. Only we didn't know we'd have to push back the date at least 3 times. So, to say the least, it literally felt like time stopped and we were not moving forward. The constant idea of a wedding and getting married was constantly out of reach. Well, I just had the realization that it is only a little over a month away. I can count the days, and I realize there is very little time left to do anything. It really also makes the need to keep my trich under control. If I slip up now or anytime between now and the wedding, I don't know how I will forgive myself. It's incredibly difficult for me. I've essentially been without eyelashes for over 10 years, and when they start growing in they usually only last 3 weeks. Well, we're at that 3 week point and the lashes feel extremely strange. I find my hands constantly wander to my eyes to feel the lashes. So far I've been able to keep myself under control due to not having a job or school or comparable stress. Also staying away from caffeinated drinks (soda and coffee) is a HUGE help. I CANNOT drink one ever again if I'm to keep all my hard work. There's something about the high sugary caffeine drinks that just really cause my brain to freak out and get overstimulated. That then causes anxiety and triggers the trich impulses. So yeah. I'm writing this so my hands will stay busy. The realization of how close I am is scary and, yes, anxiety-provoking. I just have to keep reminding myself to breathe and stay calm. But the lashes do feel incredibly strange right now.