2012 highlights

Moved to WA
Took a trip to Portland and Seattle on short notice
Get tea set and learn to make awesome tea
Almost got stranded in the mountains on the way back (Lance wouldn't stop for me to pee)
Lance went to Brussels (and brought me chocolate)
Mass Effect 3
Flew back to SC for WEDDING
Got married. finally.
Took in Leo to foster.
Got my first cavities filled. and subsequently found out I have crappy dental insurance and got stuck with a $900 dental bill
My first summer in WA. It was awesome.
getting to play WoW with other people
Watched fireworks over the river in our air-conditioned car away from the mosquitoes.
lilacs and lavender everywhere
so. many. tumbleweed jokes.
took in Yeti to foster
Found Leo a Furrever home
Yeti contracts FPV and kicks it's butt at only 4-5 weeks old
We adopt Yeti
Lance got a gym buddy and has started "picking things up and putting them back down"
I found other crazy cat people to squee over all things cats with
Tri Conf, and speaking at Tri Conf really awkwardly
the Tri Conf after parties at Bonefish and Jackson's
Lance goes to Real Time Conf/ Redis Conf
Red Dwarf parties at the Garssss
My 25th bday and thanksgiving back east
Moved to new awesome apartment
went to my first Christmas party
Our first Christmas together
Lance gets his first 1000+ piece Lego set(s)
I've decided I could possibly eventually like beer... but only if it's really good
I finally got back to my "normal" size and can fit into size 1 jeans (granted they're really stretchy and they aren't for comfort by any means)
Survived the Mayan Apocolypse and Rapture 2012.
And also Barack Obama got re-elected, marriage was legalized for same-sex couples in 4 states (WA being one of them), and marijuana was legalized in WA.

All in all, a good year.

I need to meet people

Getting married and moving really kinda killed my social life. I don't know anyone out here my ag or without kids. I miss having someone I can talk to uncensored. I miss my bff. She is the only one I've ever been able to talk about anything with. And I mean ANYTHING. From religion to politics to boys to games. I miss her dearly and I'd give so much to have her move out here with me.

I'm lonely. I miss the aspect of being single that you get to share with your girls. When you get a S.O. it changes. Even if you make a point to split time fairly, your girls treat you differently. I think they do because they don't want to make you choose, and they don't do it consciously (most of the time).

Whenever Lance and I would visit Sumter, Lance was told up front if "Toni calls, I'm gone. She's my number 1 here." And he actually agreed! The hardest part of relationships though, is when your friends move on from you. While you may have been joined-at-the-hip for years and years, now they have other things to do. Better things to do, things more fun. I miss my summers at Toni's. Best years of my life. No cares, just swimming and playing and mischief.

Art

There is a 2 day "Art in the Park" event that started today. So much to look at and take in. Lance bought a pot, I bought a yunomi, and we bought a pastel print of a quail.

I've seen thousand dollar art in the past, but I've never seriously considered purchasing any... until today.

An Oregon artist, Tom Walsh, was there today. He's a sculptor that works primarily in bronze. He had his booth set up like a mini gallery, which was cool. Anyways, one of his pieces struck me so intensely that I seriously gazed at it and walked around it for a good 5 minutes. It was one of those pieces that you just have to experience. Tom watched me, and then made the observation that I "got it." He said that most people don't get it. They don't understand how to look at his pieces- how to experience them, but he could tell that I understood his piece. I really have no words. It was amazing. To a normal person it probably just looked like an abstract thing made of metal and was green. But, oh man. The craftsmanship and the way he was able to manipulate the bronze... Seriously amazing. I wish we had the $1100 to spend on it. I can't stop thinking about it and I will probably go "visit" it tomorrow.

It was really fun being able to share the experience with Lance. He's soooo left-brained, but I'm able to convey things to him about art that he otherwise would not realize or overlook. I was able to sit with him and help him identify just WHY he decided to purchase that specific pot. We saw hundreds today, but that was the only one he liked enough to buy.

I love art that makes you experience it. You have no choice but see and feel things and it moves you. There are subtle, and not so subtle, ways that artists are able to make the viewer react. They can make you pick up and experience a cup or pot, or they can stop you dead in your tracks, like today. You may not even know why. I love how art speaks to your subconscious and you have an actual experience. You share a connection with a piece. It is more than just an object, it imparts a thought, connotation, emotion, feeling, sensation, etc. Sure there's art that's just "pretty," but it's empty; hollow. Real art makes you experience it, feel it, and share it.

TMI? Don't care

Today is a big day. I just started my first "natural" period in over 6 years. Ouch. Now I remember why I was on the pill in the first place. Cramps that make me dream I'm in childbirth.
I always get really calm and chill when I get cramps. To cope, I have to do deep breathing and enter a meditative state. It's kinda cool, so I'm always sharing. Freaks out the hubby tho cuz I'm like.. breathing like I'm in labor. It's actually a very peaceful time, albeit a little painful. But I've learned pain can be calming if you approach it correctly.

Let me explain.

When you experience body-wide pain you can get in touch with a certain "rhythm" of pulses. Your brain monitors your body in electric pulses through your nerves. If you can calm yourself and accept the pain, you can tune into this. It's a strange experience. If you've had to practice pain management from a chronic condition you are probably familiar with it. When you experience pain, you can fight it, or go with it. It really comes down to accepting it as sensations in the body and separating yourself from it. You begin to understand that you don't have to fear pain, and thus, pain begins to be therapeutic. You feel the body healing, and you let it happen.

I probably sound masochistic, but I'm not. I don't like pain. But in not fearing it, and letting it happen, it makes it more manageable and less stressful. And I'm not just talking about cramps. I used to do this when I had shoulder issues too. Anyways. Thought I'd share this milestone. First "real" period in 6 years.

I HATE MY FACE

Had to switch brands.. AGAIN. When will it end???

It's oily, and dehydrated, and broken out, and red, and just... ARGH.

So now I'm trying Bobbi Brown. So far so good? Or maybe my face is secretly planning to kill me in my sleep and pretending to like me for now.. who knows. 

Higgs Boson

Watercolor by Susan Rose

I'm dying to create. Since the announcement from CERN, my imagination has been contantly bursting with images and ideas and inspiration. My mind plays visual music and I'm antsy. It almost feels like OCD. The images and urges to create replaty over and over. IT's especially difficult to sleep. As my mind quiets, the images spill into my mind and the mental dance begins. My hands start to get a longing feeling for creating. I miss the brushes, and the paints. My fingers ache and feel restless. It's been a while since I've felt such purpose.

It's strange to say, but the discovery has given me purpose again. Seeing and feeling and experiencing. Feeling teh awe and joy of the universe and creation. It's what we all were created to do. We are meant to experience, share, enjoy, create. I want to share this purpose, emotion, joy with everyone.

It's so difficult to put into words. The human experience is universal. We all share a deep connection that transcends cultures and languages and religions. We exist. I feel the need to capture this and somehow put it on paper as to bring people together. I want to remind everyone that we are all the same, we are all created, and we are meant to share life together.

The only problem is the whole lack of studio space. It's so frustrating! I need a space! Somewhere that I can have my supplies, inspiration, and space to create. Right now my space consists of a tiny 1 bed 1 bath apartment. I really don't think my landlords would appreciate paint splatters on the carpet either. And the whole cat hair in paint situation isn't very fun.

So I've been looking at houses. But that just turns my frustration into sadness. We can't afford to buy a house, let alone maintain it! And ones that we can afford need a LOT of work done. UGH. And so the search for a studio space begins.

Insomnia

Anyone have any practical solutions to a body that doesn't sleep at night? Lately my only restful deep sleep has been mid afternoon. Ugh.

Fibromyalgia Fog

Us peeps with Fibromyalgia are very familiar with something called "fibro fog." It's like feeling groggy and tired and you can't think straight. Your mind is foggy and all you want to do is sleep. I get a weird "headache" when it hits me. It's not painful, but my head feels heavy and "stuffy." Anyways, the past week I've had one every day at around 6pm. My body just decides it wants a nap. Yep. And it's 6 now. I want a nap.
-_-

In other news we have a second kitty! His name is King Leonidas! He's a 1 year old all black fluff ball. His previous owner could not keep him, and we decided to adopt him before he had to go to a shelter. Adults have a difficult time getting adopted, and black cats usually don't get adopted either, sadly. So we had him meet Abby, and then he moved in with us a week ago. Abby hissed at him for the first couple of days any time she saw him, but now they are buddies. They chase each other all over the apartment while making cute little prrmrow noises. ^_^ It's cute.

Unintentional diet

I've been frequently forgetting to eat. I just don't feel like eating or my hunger instinct isn't very strong. So I've gone several days on maybe one full meal's worth calories. I'm still taking vitamins, but food just doesn't seem appetizing most of the time. Not too healthy of me, I know. I have collected a bunch of pictures of easy-to-make foods that look yummy, and I plan to put them on the fridge to encourage me to get food when I wander to the kitchen. I wonder if anyone else has this issue. :/

Art I want right now

All from etsy.com.

Life

I have an interview tomorrow at Macy's. I really hope it goes well. I think I could really improve some of the store layout and marketing-related stuff. As you can see, some of the succulents from my bridal bouquet are blooming! They are still sitting in a wet paper towel growing roots.

And our bedroom finally looks nice! We got rid of the box and got an actual night stand! I also found perfectly matching pillows, lamp, and jewelry box at TJ Maxx! The mirrors also came from there. Yes, I'm addicted. It's nice to finally have a nice room to relax in. I'm very happy with it. Now we just have to get the living room figured out! The bathroom is almost there..

Rite Aid had $2.50 potted herbs. I snapped up a Tuscan Rosemary and French Lavender plants. Excited. I think my nail polish is dry, so I should probably shower and set out my interview outfit. Keep your fingers crossed!

bah hormones!

I was on the pill for about... 6? years? It was to regulate things and keep me from bleeding heavily for two weeks straight every other week. Apparently being underweight can make your body do weird things. Anyways, I'm a healthy weight now, so I'm stopping the pill (hopefully for good). So needless-to-say, I'm all hormone-y. Is that a word? Guess not. Oh well. I would have gone off of it way sooner, but didn't want to risk blood stains on my wedding gown, if you know what I mean. I should probably google what to expect when stopping it after 6 years. And I should go to sleep.

Wrangling things into place

Since getting back, we've been spending all our time organizing and cleaning. I think we finally got most of the stuff away. We still need organizing baskets and furniture, right now we are just using banker boxes. I also finally broke down and bought us a vacuum. The apartment effectively has not been vacuumed since before we moved in. GROSS. We know that at least two people bought us a vacuum for a gift, so we will see which one we end up keeping.
We also got a bird bath to use as a feeder. So now I'm just waiting for the birds to find it! Maybe I'll find some fake bird figurines to put on the rail of the balcony to lure them in.
Abby is VERY GLAD to be home. I think she missed the privacy and quiet which doesn't come with a house with a small child. Good thing our friends had a large house for her to hide.
The sewing machine from the registry is here! now I just need a table, chair, thread, etc.. But I'm excited to get going.
I'm also in-progress of getting thank-you notes done. It's definitely not my favorite thing.
I miss the sun. It's been all gloomy since we got back. I guess the "April showers" applies here. But at least the farmer's market opens soon! Yay fresh produce! :D

MAWWIED!!!!

Photo by Angela Cox (and yes, that's us!)

I'm a Mrs. *scrunched-nose-face.* We'll just say Ms.... Mrs. sounds so old. Like Señora. I wanna keep the young-sounding Señorita! Anyways. Wedding went well. I didn't cry (barely). The CLEMSON TIGER showed up as a surprise, we had the best wedding cake EVER, and had a purple and orange peeps s'mores bar. More details to come when I get photos back. For now, I'm just happy it's over and am excited to get back to WA to see my cat. Oh, and I'm kinda forcing Lance to let me get a kitten (as his wedding gift to me). :D yay!!!! The whole thing was a whirlwind, but it was awesome. Now as for the whole thank-you note writing... not so awesome. I'm not the most organized thank-you note writer.. maybe on the plane(s) tomorrow. ;)

TWO DAYS

We are TWO DAYS away. Holy crap! We are still getting the "little things" done and I'm trying to relax and stay zen. Yesterday I had a derm appointment and my blood pressure was 137/89. Yeah, I'd say I'm a little stressed, wouldn't you?? We also have to pack ALL the things because we are leaving from Columbia and not coming home before that. Then I get to start thank-you notes. yay? On a side note, did you know that a Z-pack can act as an antibiotic for acne?
And my new-found allergy to wheat, milk, and eggs will be interesting. i need to stay away from all 3 to make sure I don't swell and gain 3 dress sizes. But cake is so good!

HOLY CRAP

HOLY CRAP IN A WEEK I'LL BE MARRIED OMGZZZ ALL CAPS !!!!1!1!!!!ONEONE!!!!

I also got my eyebrows AND upper lip threaded. Don't. ever. get. your. upper. lip. threaded. OMG. It made my eyes water worse than when I got my nose pierced. And I was like hard core tensed up with my legs crossed 7 billion times. It hurt. And it made me bleed. :'(
But hey, my eyebrows look nice. first time I've ever had them professionally did. woo!

Bum RSVP-ers.

How do you get non-rsvping people to at least acknowledge your existence? I've been dogging several people and they are blatantly ignoring me. Seriously? I'm at the point of just telling them don't bother coming, that if they don't have the decency to at least say "yes I got your invite, I won't know till X date if I can get off work," then please. Don't come. I'm SO ticked. In my head I'm using much more animated language. I'm not going to spend all this money on your food to have you not show up. And GOD HELP YOU if you still don't say anything and show up. It's beyond common courtesy. You're supposed to be our nearest and dearest, and you are being a jerk. Everyone we know has known about this for AT LEAST a year. So there is NO excuse. I'm not a traditional bride either in that if you show up unannounced, I'm not going to feel obligated to be civil. This has been a huge undertaking and sacrifice for us, and for people to intentionally cause this much grief is mind-boggling. I really want to tell some people to f- off.

I love TJ Maxx

Our "headboard." It looks a ton better when the bed actually has sheets and stuff.

We have stuff on the walls! OMG! The little rental apartment is starting to feel "homey." We brought home 6 mirrors on Saturday. Two are being used as a "headboard," one is leaned against the wall opposite the bed that I will use to put on makeup, and the other three are arranged in the living room opposite the window. We are trying to figure out who to give the futon to. It is big and taking up space and we'd rather have a dresser where it is currently. We're also really starting to need side tables. And a real table- eating on the floor is fun for only so long.

The trees are all starting to bloom. It's so pretty! I need to get us a bird feeder too. Abby would love to watch them here (ok me too).

I pick up my dress tomorrow! OMG I'm so excited. It fits like it was made for me, and feels like a dream. I was worried it wouldn't fit, but it does! :D

We also get to go to Lance's follow-up tomorrow. He's seeing the same GP I am, so she did about 4 tubes of bloodwork on him. Since we didn't get a call, I guess that means it's all fine. I like that she goes over the results in detail, and writes on it and gives you a copy. I like her. She's adorable!

Idea for art

Note to self: social gender piece of a faceless woman wearing a magnifying glass necklace right on her cleavage.

SHOES (omg)

I wore my bridal shoes to Target today. Wore them around for like 3 hours browsing the new layout (we just got a produce section). So far so good- no blisters! woot.

Final fitting is tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure I'll be too fat to fit in the dress. Sigh. I hope not, but I'm not expecting much :/

I want another cat. Big surprise, right? I worry Abby gets really anxious when we aren't here. I know she gets lonely... She watches for us to come home. Poor kitty :( And we'll be gone for nearly 2 weeks for the wedding festivities. I'd love to take her with us, but one 12 hour day in a carrier was more than enough, thank you. I wish I could talk my parents into giving Sinbad back! But they love him too much now. And Daddy's the favorite. It's so cute ^_^ But he and Abby were bestest friends.

I took these pictures this past Christmas. In case the tree and nativity set didn't give it away.

He likes to observe dinner being made.

Dawwww da kitteh tummy!!!

He always sleeps like this. The tummy is a trap. He'll rip your arm clean off.

See? Loves dad so much he sleeps with his shoes. X.X

Skin update

yay I'm mostly clear!!! Aside from some random pimples (that time...) I'm all clear! Yay Retin-A! I've also changed cleansers... I'm using the gentlest cleanser I know of: One Love Organic's Easy Does It Cleanser. It's an all-natural gentle cleanser that's really concentrated. I also use their Skin Savior multi balm to double cleanse when I feel really congested and grimy. And that's it! I don't need as much of the Olay moisturizer now that my skin is used to the Retin-A. So aside from cleansing, I just use the Retin-A and Latisse. I should be expecting to see some results from the Latisse soon. It's been around 2 weeks. Right??

Time is flying by so I don't have an accurate sense of time. Like I can't believe it's the weekend already. And we're at 28 days. Holy bajesus, I SWEAR I just looked yesterday at the countdown and it said 39. What happened??? Who's messing with the time?!?!?   0.0

Creating memories

Scent is able to trigger memories. How many times have you gone through a thrift store and suddenly something smells like grandma's house? Or that one lotion that you wore in middle school? Everytime I smell Juniper Breeze my mind instantly takes me back to 8th grade listening to the radio and painting my nails a bright color.

I want to be able to remember these years and our wedding day. Shopping for perfume is VERY intimidating, especially if you are sensitive to smells, like me. I highly recommend if you are going to look for a scent to ask for help. These perfume specialists smell these perfumes all day, and it's their job to know about each one.

We went to Macy's not realizing just how many perfumes are out there. The sales lady asked if we needed help, and we did. She started with asking what scents I like best; floral, fruity, musky, fresh, crisp, etc. I said floral. She has me smell 3. I say yes to 2 and no to 1 and say why. She gets 2 more. I like the first best, and don't like the second. One more, that's it! I chose Chanel Chance eau Tendre. (the pink chance). I got the small bottle of eau de toilette, and it smells heavenly. I love it. And it changes as I wear it. Not many people realize perfume interacts with body chemistry and actually changes for each person. That's why you need to actually wear it for at least an hour to really get an idea of what it will smell like.

Now, after the initial smelling and deciding on Chance, I developed itchy watery eyes that night. I was worried it was a reaction to the Chance. So after showering and waiting till the next day, I applied the Chance and prepared for the worst. Nothing. YAY!!! I had tried on 2 other perfumes, and I think I was way sensitive to one or the interaction of the two. The smell of that one got sickly sweet and gave me a mondo headache. After all, perfumes are technically chemicals that can interact with each other, so you have to be careful when mixing them. But all in all, it was worth it. I'm programming my brain to be able to remember these happy days, and they smell heavenly.

Abby!

Here's our baby, Abby!

This is the day we arrived in WA from a 12 hour day flying from SC!

She was VERY happy to be out of her carrier and in a house.

As you can see, she quickly adjusted to the WA sunshine.

They do this frequently.

See?

The day she discovered she could, in fact, jump on top of the counters.

And the mantel.

Yes, that's a humidifier that she's drinking from.

This is what happens when Lance doesn't close the dryer...

HAPPY PI DAY!!!

I hope someone got to eat pie today cuz I sure didn't. :(

Oh, well.

And in 31 days I will not be a Miss any longer 0_o

Best advice

 Over the years I've been through a lot of things that had led to me needing to see a counselor to talk things over. This was in part due to being in school and still being sick and being affected by an old relationship that ended very badly. The last semester in college was the worst. I was in a car accident early on, and it affected my health so much I failed an elective, and lost graduating with honors. I had held my 3.00 through 6 years of college, one of which including rehabbing a shoulder replacement and going through said break-up.

Back to the last semester. I hit a really bad patch of depression and major anxiety (who can blame me, right?) Because to me, if I didn't graduate in December, I was not finishing my degree. I was beyond exhausted on all fronts, and my body was on strike. I began seeing a counselor, and the best advice she gave me was: be kind to yourself.

I honestly believe this is the best advice anyone can give or be given. How often is our stress and suffering due to ourselves? We are our own worst critic, and her gentle reminder told me we have full control on how we treat ourselves. No one is making us feel guilty or terrible about ourselves. It's not a mindset imposed on us by anyone. We do it to ourselves, and I fully feel that we are too mean to ourselves. This really helped me move forward and realize that the past is the past, and I don't have to be affected by it anymore. It's over. I have my whole life in front of me, and if I just remember to be kind to myself, the outlook is much clearer.

I notice frequently through social media that people often really dwell on things because they feel they don't have control over their emotions or thoughts, and they think that this means there is something wrong with them. People dwell because they feel they should. Such as "I can't believe that I'm not more affected by [insert tragedy here], I must be a terrible person!" I think that we all need to remind ourselves that our subconscious is NOT who we are. It is a system of brainwaves that make associations and thoughts that we should NOT consider "who we are." We actively decide who we are. So, just because I didn't cry at that one war movie does not mean that I wasn't heartbroken by it, it just means that our brains are very well able at coping with things to keep us alive. If we broke down at every thing, in the wild we would be dead. We forget that we are technically instinctual animals, and our brains' first job is to keep us alive.

So please, if you are reading this and feel guilty over something that happened in your past, be kind to yourself and move forward. You decide who you are, racing thoughts are not you. Look at them objectively and understand that our bodies do make observations on their own, and it is not us.

Be kind to yourself.

Stuck in my head

 This song, particularly this version, has been stuck in my head all week. But it's still a goodie.

Food is yummy

I like food. I like quick food. I like food that you can just throw together and tastes like heaven. I really need to invest in a crockpot. BUT! When I do! I will be back to this page.

Crockpot recipes!

Goodwill awesomeness

I scored a like-new awesomely soft and squishy loveseat to replace the college-era futon in our living room. It cost all of $50. bam. Also got a few decorative/ practical items too, but the couch was a big score. I plan to get pics tomorrow when there's sunlight. We also had to clean the cushion covers and febreze down the frame and vacuum it. It has a few minor spots, but I'm sure we'll do worse to it. There was a matching over-sized chair, but we just don't have the room for it. Oh, and did I mention it's in a neutral canvas fabric? Yeah. I couldn't believe it. When I saw it I think I literally ran to claim it as mine. For now we're trying to get our scents on it cuz Abby is all freaked by the new furniture and smells. Nonetheless I'm thrilled that we have "real" furniture.

On religion

From etsy

<rage>

I was bullied at a very young age. We'll leave it at this: I was 8 and thought of ways to get out of the situation that 8 year-olds shouldn't. Anyways, that's the back story. Zoom forward to Dec 2007. I've had my new shoulder replacement for a year and the pain was still there and my range of motion didn't even allow for me to give proper hugs to people. The left arm just kinda awkwardly kept my hand at butt level, so I got to hover hand when I'd hug people to avoid groping, lol. Anyways. Dec 2007. I went with a campus christian group to an annual retreat conference thing. Well, this one speaker was known to be able to pray for people with serious disabilities and they become healed. So I pushed my way through the crowd and had him pray for me. In his many attempts to get my arm over my head, he asked what bad things happened to me when the arthritis manifested itself. The only thing I could think of was the bullying...

I kid you not. The man told me that the reason God gave me a debilitating disease was because I held a grudge and did not forgive the bullies that made my life as a child a living hell. So.... I was punished for being bullied... wow, thanks, God!

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't "blame" God for my disability. I know bad things happen to people because we are just that: people. We are imperfect beings. However, it's radical religious people like that man that really leave a bad taste in my mouth about "christians." I refuse to call myself anything but human. I don't associate myself with a group because automatically people will expect things of you, and may even come to automatically not like you. Example: I was raised Roman Catholic and I liked it. Well, I learned the hard way that most people who are "christian" don't like catholics. Just by stating that to people, I'd literally be verbally attacked for doctrine and beliefs that I had been raised with. Such as it made me a bad person to believe that Mary had no other children besides Jesus, or that she remained a virgin. Why any of the details of Mary's life matters to people, I'll never know. But the fact that christians are so ready to attack those of the same faith really disturbs me to such a degree that I refuse to talk about religion anymore. My attitudes and actions should define my beliefs, and therefore I do my best to love all people and not judge. I know my place is not to condemn, so I don't.

My stance on faith and religion don't and shouldn't matter to anyone else. I feel we should be focusing on living like Christ and not acting like Christ. We do not and never should pretend to hold authority over any other human being. Christ had that authority (if you're christian), we do not.

Love one another. It's that simple. We know in our hearts if our words or thoughts or actions are done out of love or hate, so I really wish people would act genuinely out of love and let go of the hate.

</rage>