Best advice

 Over the years I've been through a lot of things that had led to me needing to see a counselor to talk things over. This was in part due to being in school and still being sick and being affected by an old relationship that ended very badly. The last semester in college was the worst. I was in a car accident early on, and it affected my health so much I failed an elective, and lost graduating with honors. I had held my 3.00 through 6 years of college, one of which including rehabbing a shoulder replacement and going through said break-up.

Back to the last semester. I hit a really bad patch of depression and major anxiety (who can blame me, right?) Because to me, if I didn't graduate in December, I was not finishing my degree. I was beyond exhausted on all fronts, and my body was on strike. I began seeing a counselor, and the best advice she gave me was: be kind to yourself.

I honestly believe this is the best advice anyone can give or be given. How often is our stress and suffering due to ourselves? We are our own worst critic, and her gentle reminder told me we have full control on how we treat ourselves. No one is making us feel guilty or terrible about ourselves. It's not a mindset imposed on us by anyone. We do it to ourselves, and I fully feel that we are too mean to ourselves. This really helped me move forward and realize that the past is the past, and I don't have to be affected by it anymore. It's over. I have my whole life in front of me, and if I just remember to be kind to myself, the outlook is much clearer.

I notice frequently through social media that people often really dwell on things because they feel they don't have control over their emotions or thoughts, and they think that this means there is something wrong with them. People dwell because they feel they should. Such as "I can't believe that I'm not more affected by [insert tragedy here], I must be a terrible person!" I think that we all need to remind ourselves that our subconscious is NOT who we are. It is a system of brainwaves that make associations and thoughts that we should NOT consider "who we are." We actively decide who we are. So, just because I didn't cry at that one war movie does not mean that I wasn't heartbroken by it, it just means that our brains are very well able at coping with things to keep us alive. If we broke down at every thing, in the wild we would be dead. We forget that we are technically instinctual animals, and our brains' first job is to keep us alive.

So please, if you are reading this and feel guilty over something that happened in your past, be kind to yourself and move forward. You decide who you are, racing thoughts are not you. Look at them objectively and understand that our bodies do make observations on their own, and it is not us.

Be kind to yourself.