Realization

This is how it feels

Lance and I have been dating for a little over 4 years now. And it was right about this time 4 years ago that we knew we were going to get married. So 4 years ago I began planning our wedding. Only we didn't know we'd have to push back the date at least 3 times. So, to say the least, it literally felt like time stopped and we were not moving forward. The constant idea of a wedding and getting married was constantly out of reach. Well, I just had the realization that it is only a little over a month away. I can count the days, and I realize there is very little time left to do anything. It really also makes the need to keep my trich under control. If I slip up now or anytime between now and the wedding, I don't know how I will forgive myself. It's incredibly difficult for me. I've essentially been without eyelashes for over 10 years, and when they start growing in they usually only last 3 weeks. Well, we're at that 3 week point and the lashes feel extremely strange. I find my hands constantly wander to my eyes to feel the lashes. So far I've been able to keep myself under control due to not having a job or school or comparable stress. Also staying away from caffeinated drinks (soda and coffee) is a HUGE help. I CANNOT drink one ever again if I'm to keep all my hard work. There's something about the high sugary caffeine drinks that just really cause my brain to freak out and get overstimulated. That then causes anxiety and triggers the trich impulses. So yeah. I'm writing this so my hands will stay busy. The realization of how close I am is scary and, yes, anxiety-provoking. I just have to keep reminding myself to breathe and stay calm. But the lashes do feel incredibly strange right now.